My personal posts have been non-existent on my little piece of the internet. It's not that I don't have anything to say... my heart is so beyond full and I am always writing blog posts in my mind. Actually writing them up has been the problem. I'll probably just admit that it is me being lazy more then anything ;)
Life lately has been, dare I even say it, pretty close to perfect. I catch myself thinking "This really can not be my life." I know it is so cheesy, but it is the truth.
Remember my little anxiety problem? My anxiety "triggers" as I like to call them are no more. The things I used to stress about (money, work, being away from my girls, etc.) are all non existent since our move. (Which I can not believe was over a year ago!) By the grace of God, I am leading a life that I had only ever dreamed about.
Why is it then at bible study when we were asked to write down ONE word describing an area we needed prayer for did I immediately choose anxiety???
Anxiety to me is like an addiction I can't quite kick. It's not that I enjoy it, obviously. But even when I have absolutely nothing to be anxious about, it still finds its way to creep back into my life.
So what form is my anxiety taking now that my old triggers are gone?
I have anxiety over the fact that my life is going too perfectly. Something bad must be headed my way because life is so great.
The other night as I cuddled my sweet healthy babies I started to cry. Real tears were streaming down my face as I thought of all the terrible things that could befall my perfect daughters in their life time. My heart physically hurt and I found it hard to breathe. (My favorite anxiety symptom).
"Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour."- 1 Peter 5:8
I know my struggle with anxiety is caused by the devil. It is he who puts these thoughts in my mind. He tries to make me doubt myself, and more importantly, my faith.
"and do not give the devil a foothold" - Ephesians 4:27
I have handed the devil a foothold on a gold platter. He knows my weakness and he uses it.
I pray about this daily. I ask the Lord for strength when I feel my anxiety kicking it. It helps me to recite this verse:
"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" - Psalms 27:1
I would like to tell you that this works every time. I would also love to inform you that I have learned how to battle the enemy and that my faith in the Lord had prevailed. Unfortunately, that wouldn't be true. While it is my faith that allows me to ultimately pray about my doubts and it is my faith in the Lord that has the ability to see the light and recognize that He is in control, I wish I could fend off these negative thoughts and feelings all together. My anxiety is no longer a daily struggle, but I would love for it to no longer be a such a weakness.
How do you cope with your anxiety/doubts?
Linking up here.